I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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