Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration