I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.