Texts From Last Night

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  (410): View more from Maryland

  :)

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Wipe that smile off your face.

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  (410): :) (443): Wipe that smile off your face. http://tfl.nu/iqow
  Replies (28) Good night (6322) Bad night (920)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.

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  (508): I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me. http://tfl.nu/i71i
  Replies (13) Good night (1176) Bad night (4760)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage

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  (513): both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage http://tfl.nu/uqc7
  Replies (22) Good night (1878) Bad night (7405)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich

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  (619): Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich http://tfl.nu/k8p8
  Replies (14) Good night (6321) Bad night (1368)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n

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  (303): Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n http://tfl.nu/8mzg
  Replies (10) Good night (1026) Bad night (4833)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  not the best booty call

  (1-217): View more from Illinois

  did she squirt?

  (217): View more from Illinois

  only if tears count

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  (217): not the best booty call (1-217): did she squirt? (217): only if tears count http://tfl.nu/kmd7
  Replies (7) Good night (898) Bad night (3383)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.

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  (732): You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire. http://tfl.nu/i4tp
  Replies (7) Good night (1660) Bad night (759)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?

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  (303): How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads? http://tfl.nu/o7ne
  Replies (10) Good night (1750) Bad night (630)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?

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  (856): I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong? http://tfl.nu/uyqh
  Replies (2) Good night (1466) Bad night (638)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.

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  (608): I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week. http://tfl.nu/5pj6
  Replies (9) Good night (2053) Bad night (755)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.

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  (937): Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh. http://tfl.nu/4hwq
  Replies (4) Good night (1143) Bad night (658)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?

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  (503): How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor? http://tfl.nu/eg7j
  Replies (6) Good night (1416) Bad night (1068)
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  Were you drinking last night?

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.

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  (320): Were you drinking last night? (320): Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety. http://tfl.nu/r4i0
  Replies (3) Good night (780) Bad night (369)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.

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  (303): I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night. http://tfl.nu/4kzv
  Replies (1) Good night (637) Bad night (350)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore

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  (613): I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore http://tfl.nu/2r6i
  Replies (0) Good night (248) Bad night (263)

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