Texts From Last Night

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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I just pynch a tree in the face

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  (336): I just pynch a tree in the face http://tfl.nu/eknu
  Replies (6) Good night (1346) Bad night (690)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.

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  (647): You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened. http://tfl.nu/1lek
  Replies (32) Good night (18680) Bad night (1073)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time

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  (314): You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time http://tfl.nu/thrg
  Replies (17) Good night (2239) Bad night (3156)
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  (925): View more from California

  I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible

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  (925): I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible http://tfl.nu/u9b3
  Replies (16) Good night (4376) Bad night (1198)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.

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  (918): It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin. http://tfl.nu/vso7
  Replies (13) Good night (3759) Bad night (1093)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza

  (917): View more from New York City

  The hookers weren't a dream get tested

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  (914): I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza (917): The hookers weren't a dream get tested http://tfl.nu/wjzv
  Replies (3) Good night (1462) Bad night (2762)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.

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  (937): The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you. http://tfl.nu/7sfe
  Replies (3) Good night (705) Bad night (484)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?

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  (815): She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper? http://tfl.nu/3fdw
  Replies (3) Good night (999) Bad night (477)
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  (445): View more from Pennsylvania

  We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing

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  (445): We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing http://tfl.nu/ir7s
  Replies (6) Good night (1112) Bad night (537)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.

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  (570): You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20. http://tfl.nu/twif
  Replies (2) Good night (647) Bad night (372)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now

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  (616): I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now http://tfl.nu/th7d
  Replies (6) Good night (378) Bad night (663)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari

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  (205): I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari http://tfl.nu/g3b8
  Replies (3) Good night (1092) Bad night (551)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets

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  (602): My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets http://tfl.nu/nnmb
  Replies (3) Good night (553) Bad night (500)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed

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  (512): i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed http://tfl.nu/6l3x
  Replies (1) Good night (558) Bad night (245)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix

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  (401): I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix http://tfl.nu/erqa
  Replies (1) Good night (366) Bad night (291)

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