I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
