Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
