You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize