I CAN MOONWALK!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
