Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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