If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Randomize
