I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
home. puking in laundry basket.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
