He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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