Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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