Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
