He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
