Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
