he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
