its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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