Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
