I want to walk on stilts...naked
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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