i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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