im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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