this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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