I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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