I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
