So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
