I can text with my tongue
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
