My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
