Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize