if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
