I could have mohawked her pubes.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
