The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
