If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
