Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
