How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
