It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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