After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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