my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
