make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
