that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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