she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
