what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
