We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
