i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
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I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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