the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
