someone get that fucking seahorse.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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