walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
