Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
