Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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