my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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