At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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