It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
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So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
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We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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