Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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