you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
