if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you would pick up someone in the library
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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