how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Also, beer. Big fan.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
