areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
wat bout pragnant strippers??
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
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