Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
