summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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