Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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