I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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