Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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