I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Enjoy the penises
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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