Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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