Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
this hospital has no fireball
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
