There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
