He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
