I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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