if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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