Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
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She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
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You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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