you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
